DAILY FILM DOSE: A Daily Film Appreciation and Review Blog: Sundance 2010 - TWELVE

Thursday 28 January 2010

Sundance 2010 - TWELVE

Twelve (2010) dir. Joel Schumacher
Starring: Chace Crawford, Emma Roberts, Rory Culkin, Zoe Kravitz, Curtis Jackson


By Alan Bacchus

Having knowing nothing about this film, from the opening scene, listening to Kiefer Sutherland’s voiceover describe the landscape - Upper West Side Manhattan, Chace Crawford as a high class dealer supplying the superficial children of the wealthy elite with drugs, I doublechecked the press notes, is this Gossip Girl: The Movie? No, apparently it’s based on an acclaimed novel by Nick McDonell. Whatever form the novel took, Schumacher has turned it into a grade z version of Gossip Girl.

The story, setting and casting is the just tip of the iceberg of crap. The title refers to a new street drug called ‘12’ a mixture of coke, ecstasy and other expensive drugs which is getting all the upperclass kids high, Crawford plays ‘White Mike’ (seriously that’s his name), a drug dealer who doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, just sells them. His cousin Charlie, addicted to the new stuff has gotten himself killed by Lionel (Curtis ‘50 Cent’ Jackson).

Meanwhile Chris (Rory Culkin), a runt of a kid and wannabe of the in crowd hosts a bunch of parties as his house, which serves as the gathering place for the good looking people to get wasted.

Molly is a clean cut gal with good grades, who accidentally takes some of the new drug and instantly gets hooked but finds herself doing anything to score some '12.'

There’s also Claude, Chris’s older brother, a psychopath who returns from rehab to hole up in the family mansion to lift weights and practice his skills with a samurai sword.

Rounding out most of the other characters some of the typical stock airhead rich girl characters from Gossip Girl.

All the subplots come to a head at one raucous party at Chris' house with the demand for the ‘12’ drug at the centre of the conflict. Molly gets raped and Claude goes off on a shooting rampage

Kiefer Sutherland’s faux poetic narration is so intrusive, when he’s not explaining what’s in the character’s heads, he’s giving us inane and useless details of the characters lives.

All character speak ridiculously overwrought soap opera melodramatic dialogue that makes Gossip Girl look like Shakespeare.

The plotting, the drug deals, and the petty teenage cliquey conflicts are written and executed with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, I’m still not sure it was intended as comedy or drama.

The final nail in the coffin occurs at the very end, the inclusion of a quote from Albert Camus.

The only respite comes when Schumacher blasts a Julian Plenti song 'Only If You Run', which pulses over the picture credits.

How does Joel Schumacher keep making movies? ‘Twelve” is the unintentionally hilarious non-comedy of the year and the biggest disaster of the Festival, which puts it in the company of ‘Showgirls‘ and ‘Glitter‘. A drinking game based on this movie is not far off.


wine of the month club said...

The movie sounds horrible. Thanks for in incite.

wine of the month club said...

The movie sounds horrible. Thanks for in incite.